My Heart is Heavy

I was home for lunch checking on my very sick husband when I first heard news of the shooting in Connecticut.  My heart sank the minute I learned that it was a school. An elementary school and that there were deaths. I can’t even imagine the pain that those parents are facing.

As a parent of three young children; a 2nd grader, a kindergartner and one in daycare this horrible news hits hard.  I assume when I drop my children off at daycare and at school, I will see them at the end of the day.  Our daycare and school both have security systems and I feel comforted that it will keep them safe from the outside world until I can pick them up at the end of the day.  I am sure that the parents at Sandy Hook Elementary never imagined that someone would force their way into their school and rob them of their most precious children.  My heart aches for those whose children did not come home yesterday.

I made sure I told each of my kids I loved them yesterday and gave them extra hugs and kisses.  I know on Monday morning when we are trying to get out the door to work, to school, to daycare – I will have a bit more patience, I will rush them less,  I will slow down, I will hug them and tell them I love them and trust in God that at the end of the day I will pick up their smiling faces exactly how I left them. Because what else can we do?

This is supposed to be the season of Christmas,  of Joy,  of twinkle lights and magic. My  boys bounced out of their rooms this morning to their advent calendar where they informed me that there are only 10 days left until Christmas.  Of course they have no idea what happened in Connecticut and I have no plans to tell them.   And of course I smiled and shared in their excitement, but inside I was thinking about the Connecticut parents that won’t be celebrating Christmas with their children. My heart is heavy.

Yesterday Dimitri’s fever reached 104.6. With the events of the day I was feeling a bit protective of the ones I love and I sent him to the ER.  It was apparent that I was being over protective when the ER doc gave us a lecture about the flu and how to treat it and how not to pass it on, that the trip was probably unnecessary.  But I felt the need to protect and for that I don’t feel foolish.  I am happy to report his fever broke last night and while he is still tired and feeling 100% yet , I found him in the kitchen doing the dishes this morning and it made me smile.

So today I am trying not to watch the TV too much or read too much on the internet, it’s just too much to process and too hard to watch. Although it crossed my mind how easy it was for me to turn it off and remove myself from the heartache.  I have plans to wrap Christmas presents for my kids today while they spend some time with their Grandparents, it won’t be without thinking of the lost lives of the children and adults at Sandy Hook Elementary.


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