The original intent of this blog has always been to capture the memories of my crazy family. I admit that over the past 9 years of my blogging (yes, its been 9 years!), I’ve often wandered away from just noting the adventures of my family… sometimes I share my latest obsessions, things I like, things I want, shopping, photography, scrapbooking, etc. The truth is, this season of our life is really busy and really full, and now that the kids aren’t babies it seems harder and harder to find the time to blog! Our family is evolving and changing. There are less naps (OK no naps are happening – sad!) nor early bed times. We always seem to be on the go! Hello, kids activities… 3 kids with school activities, sports, friends, birthday parties, homework, etc. – it’s time-consuming. AND my job ( my real 8-5 office job – not photography, which is another topic for another day) has me very busy with lots of traveling and night meetings. Dimitri and I also do our best to keep up with our friends and time with each other, which to us, is very important and not the easiest to schedule. While I am not complaining, these days the calendar is booked! When we do have a free moment to breathe, I find myself wanting to curl up on the couch with Netflix or a good book instead of the behind the computer screen. Thus the lack of blogging over the last several months.
While I haven’t spent a lot of time pouring words out here on the blog, memory keeping hasn’t gone away for me. I am still scrapbooking! I’ve gone the route of digital Project Life through the Project Life app. Unlike in the past, I am not keeping up with that on a weekly basis anymore (see reasons above) but instead using a few scrapbooking weekends a year to work on it… I am about 1/2 way through scrapbooking 2015 right now. I do however, still take at least one photo everyday. These days my iPhone is my go-to camera. Basically, I’ve taken everything down a few 100 notches.
You might be thinking….So she isn’t superwomen? She can’t do it all?
Turns out, I can’t.
Yes, yes – it’s true. I crashed and I burned. I once was THAT annoying gal that kept a full time job, balanced three young children, a husband, a house, a side photography business, volunteered, had a social life, blogged every day, and kept an up-to-date scrapbook. And then I got really tired, and really stressed and decided that I just couldn’t keep up with it all. And so I didn’t.
The last year or so has been one of self discovery, and not the easiest one. No longer are we this young family with young kids at home…we are evolving. This might seem strange, but I note the end of the an era when our pets Emma, Sugar and Lucy all passed away. I know strange, but follow me here. Dimitri adopted Emma the cat when we first started dating, Lucy the cat came not long after our engagement, and Sugar was adopted right when we got married. Soon after we were married, we had Ethan…22 months later, there was Owen and 4 years later was our Zooey. Our existence for many years was bottles, diapers and going to work on 3 to 4 hours of sleep. I can remember times when everyone was sick, the house was a mess and we were going on little sleep, it seemed so hard! I often referred to us on survival mode during this time. As long as everyone was clean, dressed and fed nothing else mattered – those were the big goals of the day. We finally mastered the whole baby/toddler thing and time kept moving by, the kids got older and our pets got older. Last month, we said our good-bye to Lucy the cat. And while just a cat, her passing was significant because it represented the end to that era, one that had been gradually winding down for the past year or so, whether I was ready or not.
So here we are, a new puppy, no babies, no toddlers, but instead school aged kids. We have changed and grown professionally, and we are approaching the big 4.0 soon. And suddenly I find myself in a time and place without a baby on my hip. (Which does not mean I want another one!) But, it’s odd – I’ve reached another side of life and I’m looking around and thinking, now what? Am I having a mid-life crisis and is that possible at age 38? The stresses we faced as a young couple with young kids are gone, but now there are all these really big grown-up stresses happening. We now have to worry who might be a bad influence on our kids at school, and what internet sites they visit, and how is it possible that one is going into middle school and we haven’t even discussed the big things like the birds and the bees and not to do drugs?!?! We worry about our parents, watching them get older and worrying about their health. We worry about our careers as we take on more and more responsibility and how to keep growing professionally while still trying to balance it all. And it’s hard. Suddenly daily blogging, scrapbooking and sharing my latest Amazon wish list, doesn’t seem so crucial anymore.
So where does that leave all of this? I don’t really know. I just know that when things get complicated sometimes the best thing to do is to step back. For me that is going back to the basics and back to figuring it all out. I am going to be pulling back the layers and figuring out what works and what doesn’t work. I am going to be kind and gentle with myself. I am going to move forward with grace and intention. I am going to stop rushing and stop trying to do it all. I am going to ask for forgiveness when I mess up. I am going to ask for help when I needed it. I am going to surround myself with people that are good for me and nurture important relationships. I am going to rest and read inspiring books. I am going to stop, think, and breath.
As I’ve mentioned before, this blog has been a very important creative outlet for me for the past nine years. I am not ready to say good-bye. I plan on posting here – but
maybe not everyday. I want to go back to the basics…back to the original intent, which was to share my family’s adventures and to count my blessings. And on occasion share a really cute pair of shoes that I found because I can’t help myself.
Tomorrow is Leap Day, an extra day out of the year – a bonus day! Which seems like a perfect day for new beginnings, fresh starts, living with intent and most definitely ice cream. Who’s with me?